[ad_1]
One of our clients has a sign in their headquarters that says, “As everyone knows, we’re one big happy family.” It’s an implicit reminder that no family is perfect, not just how they want the world to see them, but how they want to see themselves, regardless of reality.
When people think of conflict and family business, they think of the kind of “fireworks” conflict we see on the front page of the newspaper or on popular television shows. But the more common opposite is what we call “false consensus,” families avoid any kind of uncomfortable conversation because they fear conflict.
Why false agreement is so destructive.
Disagreement in a family business is natural over time. As a family grows, needs differ and an individual family member’s relationship with the business may change. It’s healthy and to be expected for individual owners (or prospective owners) to have different views, and trying to override those views instead of rocking the boat with differences of opinion is often counterproductive.
If your family isn’t discussing any competing ideas, you’re likely to shy away from important conversations. In our experience, a fake deal can do far more damage than a firecracker, because it can keep families from making difficult but important decisions about the business or the family.
A false agreement can also create resentment within the family. People do not feel able to express their needs or opinions for fear of causing conflict. Issues may be unspoken, but that doesn’t mean they’re gone.
False consensus stifles innovation. Families can be a cornucopia of good ideas, but business and family owners miss out on creative opportunities because they fear “rocking the boat” when individuals don’t share their ideas.
A false consensus slows generational transitions by limiting intergenerational dialogue and collaboration. In the absence of those conversations, the older generation may not learn to trust the younger generation and vice versa. The younger generation may not understand the goals and approach of the older generation, becoming frustrated with the pace of change.
Perhaps most importantly, false consensus can lead to what we call the “cliff phenomenon”—a conflict that goes unnoticed and builds and builds over time until it spirals into more and more complex arguments. Conflicts can tear apart the family structure and limit the family’s ability to make important decisions together.
This is not to say that false consent is unreasonable; Most families have long memories. A different opinion received in a weak or wrong context can explode into a harmful conflict. If you break a family agreement, your family can hold it against you for the rest of your life.
So even if you realize that a fake deal is dragging your family business back, you should tread carefully. You don’t have to go through a laundry list of complaints. Strategic avoidance can be a smart temporary negotiation strategy while you wait for the right moment to bring up a tough topic.
Often, the cliffhanger event that sparks direct conflict after a long period of false agreement seems small in itself. But months or years of silence on other disputes will lead to that moment. Therefore, when it explodes, it can be difficult to reverse the damage. And when that happens, months, years, or decades of progress as a family and ownership group can be undone. For example, we know that one family owner (all identifiable details have been redacted) resented the other owners’ (siblings) decisions to thwart a cherished R&D effort and hire the “wrong” family CEO, but said nothing. For months. His temper flared “irrationally” (according to his siblings) over a seemingly harmless discussion about the date of a board meeting, leading to a conflict that eventually opened up other old wounds and cost the business any chance of profitability.
Of course, excessive conflict (as opposed to constructive disagreement) depends on family culture and personal interpretation. Some families handle conflict more easily than others, and the extent to which people put aside their personal interests in favor of the common cause varies. But regardless of your family culture, the signs of false consent are common:
Signs of false agreement
- Comments are not specified.. You have a large group together, discussing an important topic, and everyone kind of disagrees. No one is willing to give a clear opinion on this matter.
- Constructive feedback has been removed. Sometimes challenging feedback is hard to accept, but it’s very effective and helps you grow as a family and as a group of business owners.
- Argument suppressed. A family owner brings a strong opinion to your group of owners on an important issue, and no one wants to express a dissenting opinion. If everyone is just nodding along to everything that’s been said, you may be stifling genuine discussion and the introduction of new ideas. If everyone else “looks good” by default, there’s probably something going on underneath.
- Back channel conversations are normal.. Family members seem to agree in a meeting, but later hear different points of view in one-on-one conversations. If you find that family members only share their “true” thoughts with each other instead of bringing their thoughts and concerns to the appropriate forum, you may be heading for your own “cliff event.”
A number of tools and approaches can be effective in preventing fraudulent transactions in family businesses. For example, we often bring a metaphorical “candy-o-meter” to meetings. During discussions, we refer to the Quandi-O meter to determine whether we are getting to the heart of the matter or glossing over the surface. And when we seem to be entering a false agreement, we ask each participant to rate the sincerity of the conversation on a scale of one (low openness) to five (completely open). Perhaps not surprisingly, most people who rate the conversation at three or less are eager to share what is not being said or suspect that their family members are being dishonest. That low level can make a difference in the conversation. Although it sounds like a silly tool, most people are happy not to waste their time on “fake meetings” and get to the real issues.
Other helpful tools we’ve used to help families get past false consent constructive discussions:
Tools to overcome fake deals
1. Start with simple things.
If your family is struggling with a fake deal, you don’t have to get too involved. Start with conversations and decisions that don’t trigger strong emotional responses.
We worked with a family. This left many issues unresolved. To avoid fake deals, start discussing simple business decisions instead of going into emotional details. As a family, they were all on the same page about wanting the business to grow, so discussing business strategy was a safe place to argue with each other. After proving that they can respectfully disagree with each other, they begin to resolve some family issues.
2. Use surveys to get feedback anonymously.
Have family members fill out a quick anonymous survey before and after key meetings to create a helpful barometer. Create a simple survey with a service like Qualtrics that asks what topics family members want to talk about, or explore what went well in a meeting and what could be improved (we call these “pluses/deltas”). Such studies can provide a simple, yet helpful, opportunity to provide constructive feedback.
3. Consider facilitated conversations.
Bring in an outsider to facilitate a challenging conversation. An external facilitator can set ground rules and boundaries for the conversation, monitor the boundaries, restart the conversation if things are going off track, and make sure everyone has a chance to be heard.
4. Strengthen transparency.
False consensus can occur because family members feel insecure—asking questions makes them seem dumb or uninformed—or because it signals that they are challenging other family members. They don’t want to expose or offend themselves.
But if family leaders make a point of informing their stakeholders about both business issues and major decisions, they won’t be afraid to ask questions. Sunlight can be the best disinfectant.
5. Set the right criteria.
Remind your family members that your goal is to make great decisions together. A fake deal won’t help you do that. There will be constructive conversations.
Both conflict and false agreement are common in business families around the world. What you are struggling with is normal. Balancing the two is an important part of making good decisions together, and it’s not always easy for any family, no matter how much they love each other. Families can become so focused on trying to present a perfect cover to the outside world that they also construct lies internally. But there is no such thing as a perfect family.
Sierra Nevada Brewing Company, a family-owned beer company, revels in this realization. The label on each can and bottle reads “Family Owned, Operated and Distilled.” Sierra Nevada founder Ken Grossman shares his family’s reasons for the slogan with Josh Barron and Rob Lachenauer at Harvard Business Review Handbook of Family Business: “It’s funny, but it’s the truth. We can come together and argue about what’s best for us as a company moving forward, but we do so in good faith, knowing that everyone wants what’s best for the whole.
Can you say the same about your family business? If not, you may find yourself in a difficult situation because you are trying to avoid conflict.
[ad_2]
Source link
